Say Yes at Work: Four Unexpected Phrases That Quiet Resistance and Build Real Buy-In

In the hum of open-plan offices, the ping of messages, and the low-key theatre of video calls, asking for agreement has become an art disguised as an everyday task. Getting colleagues to say yes isn’t about tricks or theatre; it’s about reshaping how people think and feel in a moment where a decision lives. Shadé Zahrai shares four deceptively simple phrases that unsettle default resistance, invite collaboration, and increase the likelihood of a yes — whether you are proposing a project, asking for a raise, or trying to unblock a stalled initiative.

Why small phrases have big power

Words act as frames. A single phrase can change the frame through which someone evaluates a request: from threat to curiosity, from obligation to agency, from attack to collaboration. In workplaces where time is scarce and suspicion runs deep, the wrong phrase can trigger a reflexive no. The right phrase pulls the conversation off autopilot and engages a different part of the mind — the part that solves problems, protects identity, and seeks coherence.

The four phrases that follow are counterintuitive because they don’t push harder. They re-route the interaction so the other person helps you reach the answer you want to hear. They are practical in meetings, performance reviews, 1:1s, sales, and daily collaborative work.

Phrase 1: ‘Help me understand…’

What it does: Dismantles defensiveness and turns objections into information.
Asking someone to ‘help you understand’ converts a confrontation into a request for explanation. It signals humility without weakness, and curiosity without challenge. Instead of demanding justification or delivering counterarguments, you invite the other person to explain their reasoning — and people who explain often end up softening their stance as they examine their own assumptions.

When to use it: In a disagreement, during a stalled decision, or when feedback seems emotionally charged.

How to use it in practice:

• Manager and team: ‘Help me understand what part of this timeline feels unrealistic from your perspective.’
• Peer disagreement: ‘Help me understand why you’re worried that this approach will alienate customers.’
• When asking for a promotion: ‘Help me understand how you assess readiness for the next level in this role.’

Why it works: The phrase removes the pressure to defend and replaces it with an opportunity to teach. People instinctively justify and reexamine their position when asked to articulate it, and in many cases they end up aligning with the very outcome they initially opposed.

Phrase 2: ‘Is there any reason we can’t…’

What it does: Forces specificity about objections and often exposes the absence of real barriers.

This phrasing flips the default question from ‘Why should we?’ to ‘Why shouldn’t we?’ It prompts people to surface concrete obstacles instead of offering vague or habitual resistance. Most objections are either solvable or based on uncertainty; when asked to name a reason not to proceed, colleagues often find there is none that truly stands up to scrutiny.

When to use it: When you need to move forward on a decision and suspect objections are more procedural than substantive.

How to use it in practice:

• Project kickoff: ‘Is there any reason we can’t launch the pilot next Monday if the team signs off today?’
• Product proposal: ‘Is there any reason we can’t include this feature in the Q3 roadmap if engineering confirms the estimate?’
• Cross-functional request: ‘Is there any reason we can’t get the legal review done within five business days?’

Why it works: The question creates a cognitive moment where each objection must stand alone. If stakeholders cannot identify a critical barrier, it becomes socially and logically easier to agree. It also subtly nudges people toward accountability: if they raise an issue, they may feel responsible for proposing a solution.

Phrase 3: ‘Which would you choose — A or B?’

What it does: Transfers ownership, narrows options, and leverages commitment.
Decision paralysis often comes from open-ended choices. Asking someone to choose between concrete alternatives focuses attention and creates psychological ownership over the selected option. Once a person voices a preference, they tend to support it.

When to use it: In collaborative design, prioritization, or negotiation when stakes are moderate and the aim is to create buy-in quickly.

How to use it in practice:

• Product prioritization: ‘We can dedicate the sprint to performance or localization. Which would you choose?’
• Hiring: ‘Do you prefer we move quickly on this candidate with some onboarding risk, or keep interviewing and delay the start date?’
• Team conflict: ‘Would you recommend we test the new process for a month or collect more feedback before changing anything?’

Why it works: People like to be helpful, and being asked to choose appeals to that impulse. The simple act of choosing creates a commitment both to the idea and to the process that produced it. When you later implement the chosen option, the chooser becomes an ally rather than a passive observer.

Phrase 4: ‘If I could do X, would you be willing to Y?’

What it does: Creates conditional agreement and opens a path for negotiation rather than resistance.
This is a two-part frame that offers a solution to an unstated worry and asks for a reciprocal action. It avoids ultimatums and sets up a cooperative problem-solving dynamic.

When to use it: When you suspect the other person has specific concerns that prevent agreement and you are willing to make a concrete concession.

How to use it in practice:

• Salary negotiation: ‘If I could make a case to HR for a midpoint increase, would you be willing to take on the X responsibility we discussed?’
• Project resources: ‘If I can secure two weeks of design support, would you be willing to delay the deadline by a week?’
• Client work: ‘If we can guarantee delivery of milestone one on the agreed date, would you be comfortable committing to the full scope?’

Why it works: People are more likely to say yes when their reservation has been acknowledged and addressed. The conditional nature of the question creates a clear exchange: you solve a named problem, they reciprocate with agreement.

Practical scripts and micro-scripts

These phrases work best when paired with short scripts and a sincere tone. Here are bite-sized templates you can adapt:

• ‘Help me understand what you see as the biggest risk here.’
• ‘Is there any reason we can’t sign off if we get final legal approval today?’
• ‘Which would you choose: the faster rollout with less polish, or a slower rollout with more completeness?’
• ‘If I can provide the extra budget, would you be willing to lead the pilot?’

Situations where these phrases fail

No technique is magical. These phrases can backfire if used manipulatively, insincerely, or in the wrong context.

• If someone is morally opposed or fundamentally out of alignment, asking ‘Is there any reason we can’t’ will expose a principled no rather than lead to agreement.
• If trust is absent, requests for help may be perceived as offloading or evasive, especially across hierarchical boundaries where roles are murky.
• Overuse dulls the effect. If every ask starts with ‘Help me understand,’ people learn to see it as a prelude to persuasion and may disengage.

Ethics and the line between influence and manipulation

There is a moral line between shaping a conversation to find mutual benefit and shaping it to secure agreement at others’ expense. The best use of these phrases is consistent with three principles:

• Transparency: Be honest about your goal. You’re asking for alignment, not trying to mask a self-serving agenda.
• Reciprocity: Be willing to address the other person’s interests and constraints; the conditional question is a good test for this.
• Respect for agency: Use these phrases to expand choice, not reduce it. Avoid steering someone toward a decision that undermines their welfare or violates policy.

One conversation at a time

Organizations change not through grand pronouncements but through countless micro-interactions. A single phrasing in a 10-minute conversation can accelerate a project, restore a relationship, or shift a culture of defensiveness toward a habit of curiosity. These four phrases are tools for those moments: short, repeatable, and rooted in the idea that people are generally inclined to be helpful, consistent, and cooperative when given the right frame.

Try one in your next meeting. Note the difference not only in the yes you receive, but in the quality of the conversation that leads to it. The goal isn’t to win every debate; it’s to create a workspace where decisions are reached with clarity, and where yes means something sustainable, not just a reflexive surrender to pressure.